this is a mooch-off. from ex-roomie steph chiang :) i mooch alot b/c God gifted some people to express exactly what I wanted to express except I can't write as eloquently :D so God gifted me to mooch. hahaha sooo selfish... anyway:
When I say I'm having friend issues, I'm not really referring to the lack of people to hang out with on this lovely weathered Friday night. I mean to share with you all another epiphany I had the other day. After getting off the phone from a nice half-hour conversation with one of my best friends B------, I realize that she's one of my only girl friends left. When I say "left", I mean I graduated high school with a nice handful of close female friends and an entire sports team of about 30 girls on top of that, which is all now reduced to....well let's just say I don't need my toes to count them.
So I wonder, what went wrong? Or is it wrong to have mostly male friends? Considering I was a "tomboy" till I was in 7th grade, I guess I feel more comfortable around guys. Back home, I'm used to being "one of the guys", and it's not so different here. (My friends cringe when I wear pink or anything remotely feminine. Not to mention laugh when I attempt to wear makeup.) Is it my personality that has doomed me to a life of girlfriend-less-ness? Or is it something else? Am I doing everything wrong? I know that for girls, we're "supposed to" keep in touch by constantly sharing daily expiences and filling each other in with the major issues. Whereas guys are "supposed to" be able to remain buddies as long as they do things together, screw the "keeping in touch". Funny...that's my approach. If I haven't seen a girlfriend for a while, it's even easier for me to jump back into things since we'll have so much more to talk about. But somehow, this philosophy has left me with one close female friend who still calls me, and then two girls here at UCLA who I see regularly (one being my current roomate). Compare that to....15 males? that I talk to and/or see everyday. Strange.
(And I know this may seem completely irrelevant, but for a young woman who's entering her 20s it's a reasonable issue: WHO THE HELL WILL BE MY BRIDESMAIDS???? I'll have like.....oh well I guess it won't be that bad. I think I can manage to scrape together 5. Sad to say, it may be easier for me to have a bunch of guys be my "bridesmaids".)
But back to the issue: is gender really an issue in making friends? Does it really matter that I have no one to swoon over boys with, or do my hair, or play dress-up with? (YES I still like dress-up.) Sometimes I really miss having girl time. But most of the time, I'm rather loud and rough with my guy friends. Wrestling is fun, and there's always the game of "who can insult the other one better". One of the guys actually mentioned that I'm too "weird" to be considered a "hot girl". Darn. (I guess I could take that as a sort-of compliment that if I were to shut up and sit there like a lady I could be "hot") (haha yea right.) I think about the way I act on a daily basis, and hang my head in shame (all the while hiding a smirk). As J---- likes to put it, I "fail at being a girl."
yeah. i think all these weddings are making me think of my (hopefully) wedding in the future. and i realized that bridesmaids are an issue -_-' *sigh* the guy:girl ratio is getting better but still significantly tipped towards the male side. i'm workin on it... maybe i shouldn't be sticking with my philosophy that girls are more high maintenance than guys. that might help :) relationships are such hard workkkkkk.
