October 2nd

10/2/08
So today, I woke up like any other morning and had some good times with Jesus, just rereading Deuteronomy and hearing God’s voice, like STRAIGHT out of His mouth you know? Like I can just HEAR His heart and his longing for His people in this verse:

Oh, that their hearts would be inclined to fear me and keep all my commands always, so that it might go well with them and their children forever! Deut 5:29

Like DANG this is the God who supposedly “smites down people and damns ppl to hell”, the same OT God; the more I read the Old Testament, the more I see God’s heart towards his people. His utter concern for them as their Father and caretaker, and he like says a good 5 times to Moses to the people, that they just need to remember to not turn away from God and to remember the things that He did for them. Like FIVE TIMES! Which apparently, means a lot in Hebrew writing. I heard once repetition is like WRITING THINGS IN CAPITAL LETTERS. SO DANG. They still didn’t get the message though b/c they liked immediately served other gods.

I remember when I was younger, I’d be like, dood those Israelites are really stupid, don’t they get it after like the 10th time that it’s flippin easy? You just listen to what God says and you’re set. And now that I’m older, I know how stupid I am b/c I do the same thing, like ALL the time. Over and over again. Durrr.. just like the Israelites. Man, anyway. The Deut has some good stuffs in it.

SO what I really wanted to say was that this morning I threw up a random prayer (and seriously by now, I really should know that there’s no such thing as a random prayer and you really need to be careful about what you pray for) I was like, God give me a spirit of boldness and courage. Straight out of my journal:

“God, the condemnation, the ‘I should have done this better’, the beating up of myself is starting to creep in. I keep on thinking I need to do more, out of my Love for you Of Course. Jesus teach me to how to hear and obey, to go only when you say and not just force things out; God teach me what ‘doing my part’ means. Jesus grant me a prayerful heart and sensitive ears to do your will. God give me boldness and courage.”

So during dinner, I went out alone (yah b/c everyone already ate so I was a loner -_-‘ but I was determined to make it worth it so I was like, I’m going to pray the whole time I’m eating, so I won’t waste time daydreaming) to this really good bun and congee place. I sat down and prayed (deargodthx4foodblesspplwhomadeitamen) and hoped that someone had seen me pray and would ask me if I was Christian and I could bring them to Christ right then and there.

What ended up happening was I started praying for random things that came across my mind and then I noticed this girl across from me and I was like oh, she looks nice. Say “好吃吗? (Translation: Is that good (the food)?“ to her. Uhhhh.. no way God. Nowaynowaynoway what if she thinks I’m weird/crazy/whatifshedoesn’tunderstandmyCHINESE!! God she’s gonna give me a weird look. Ask her. NOOO aww God COMEONNN okay spiritofboldnessandcourage spiritofboldnessandcourage (Jared, totally thinking of you here) I can’t do it. God how about tomorrow. Pleaseeee. God she looks like she’s done eating she’ll probably leave, etc. etc. [All these thoughts seem like 4ever but really is like 1 min]

ANYWAY. Point being. I didn’t want to talk to random strangers with my crappy Chinese. Anyway what happened was that she ended up being the front desker person on the bottom of my international dorm and she had helped me on my first day moving in and she was looking for a language partner [surprise, surprise, I’ve been looking 4 one too and even applied for the program but they never got back to me] and she plans to go to Cornell and do hotel management and she loves English and she has a really good friend from LA going to NYU.

I hate it when God’s right. Haha jaykay, it makes for funny stories of how stubborn I am.

Oh yah, I did start the conversation with, “好吃吗？＂To which she responded in Chinese, “好吃。你是从哪一个国家来的？” (translation#1: yah it’s good. What country are you from? ) (translation#2: my Chinese failed)

(originally the post ends here. But God didn’t stop working:)

AND THE DAY DOESN’T END GOD YOU’RE SO AMAZING CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, watching “stranger than fiction” which is an odd movie. Afterwards, a Korean friend notices that there’s Purpose Driven Life on the table which I didn’t even notice and asks. Jodi, my roommate, says she’s gonna read it b/c her friend asked her too. Afterwards, I talk to her and I find out:
-she grew up going to church
-she is really frustrated with the institution of church and doesn’t understand why the people in the church place blame on people who don’t go to church, who don’t pray for meals, etc. etc.
-also doesn’t understand why her understanding of a loving God but her Korean friend’s view of God is wrathful and vengeful
-she has a Korean friend who has been really stressed out by the church regulations and because of that my roommate is super concerned for her
-I share with her my testimony about church and PC and explain to her what a house church is
-she’s TOTALLY EXCITED she thinks it’s AWESOME and it’s SO COOL! And she wants me to meet her Korean friend
-I suggest that we have church in the room and she TOTALLY lights up and is like YAH THAT’D BE AWESOME let’s do it right after I come back from vacation, and I’ll invite my friends
-the best part: I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!!!! IT WAS ALL GOD!!!!! And man, after that realization a couple weeks ago where God brought me to a point where I was fine not having any ministry, as long as this year I would get closer to God, man… this is that much better. Because, I don’t care whether this goes well or not, in terms of me. It doesn’t change ANYTHING because in the end, this year in China is gonna be worth it because during this year, I’m going to know God more and gonna continue being loved by Him and loving Him. Oh man, God is crazy.

Cool addendum: been praying MAD HARD for my roommate the quarter before or since I’ve known that I’d be coming to China. I felt when we met that this wasn’t going to work out ☺ she smokes and seems like a partier, were my initial thoughts. Turns out we’re SO alike it’s weird; both really love dance, are Daddy’s girls, and love to read avidly. Okay not that many things, but those are the most important to me ☺ She’s a total fashion diva, is putting on her own fashion show featuring H&M and other cool things (I derno, I’m pretty fashionally-retarded) so if you guys know any connections or whatevers, hit me up ☺oh yahs :)

keep us all in prayer por favor!! whatever this group turns out to be, house church or not, pray that GOd's will be done and His name be lifted high always :)

God, I pray that they will know You soo intimately, know who You are, know that You’re more and bigger than just a church. God I know this group will stretch me and pull me in ways I don’t want to be pulled, but God I’m keeping my eyes on You and stepping out in faith. Keep me humble please and obedient to You and You alone. God, more than anything, more than 10,000 churches, God, if only I can understand Your heartbeat, that’s all I want. I want You. God I pray that that’s all I ever want. Thank you for everything.