So what have i REally been doing this past year in beijing??

Haha okay well it's a lot more than this, but my past 4 months have completely been devoted to this and so I might as well start from the beginning (mind you, this is a very very long explanation):

So, around October/November of last year, I was talking to God about how I was really loving beijing/china in general, sort of in an unexplainable manner. As in, if you had asked me to pinpoint a particular reason, i wouldn't be able to tell you. all i knew was that several months early, during the summer, i had not felt like that. but at that time, if you had said that i was staying in china for the rest of my life, i would have been okay with it. (i know, crazy huh? that's God for ya)

Anyway, one day i was doing devos and this random crazy thought flew across my mind that maybe I should apply for the school of management at beida (the school i'm studying abroad at ) and then i could stay here for another 4 years and REALLY improve my chinese, at the same time i could learn how to do business stuff in chinese (accounting/finance/marketing/human resources) which is what I had planned to do in the States with an accounting minor. I mean, I had wanted to stay in China, so why not get a degree here while I'm at it?

At this point, most people said something along the lines of "but you'd be wasting 3 years of ucla education!!" i guess it depends on what you think "waste" is then, because my time at ucla, making the friends I did, learning the things I did, having the experience that I had had, I wouldn't consider a single moment of that "a waste".

Other people said, “UCLA degree makes it so much easier for you to get a job!" well, that was true, but with the way the economy is going now, it doesn't matter where you graduated from really. and at that point, and even now, i know your degree is not the only thing that gets you a job. i had had an offer to work at one of the top four accounting firms in beijing before the beginning of this crisis, and none of that had anything to do with UCLA. when it comes to connections and hookups, i have the Ultimate one :) so, wasn't really worrying about that either.

anyway, these were the reasons i sent my brothers (feel free to skim!)
Reasons
Logistically:
-future plan has always concerned business, in Guanghua, i'll learn more about business than at UCLA where my major is now linguistics
-China has been in my future for a while now, meaning that I really need to learn the language. the majority of these classes are in Chinese, not English. additionally, becuase i already took many accounting/math/science classes at UCLA in english, the main focus will be for me to learn the language
-must apply in person and since i'm already here, it would make sense for me to apply now (in march for next year's admission)
-i'm already staying in the most coveted international dorms which are impossible to get otherwise, if i choose to stay, i already am settled in this dorm, without needing to look elsewhere
-if i go back to the states, i will forget a lot of my chinese (small reason but important nonetheless) and i feel like this year will have been a waste, in terms of language improvement
-currently applying for an internship at a Big4 accounting firm, deloitte, where i know the partner and she's pulling strings for me; an internship is required for guanghua
-i really do not feel any qualms about leaving ucla

Spiritually:
-feel like God's put China in my heart, different confirmations during the summer and thus far in just adapting to Beijing well, praying for the city and its people in a way that I didn't in the states
-when i left UCLA, there were many times that i felt that my UCLA season was over; even in my time spent here this far, my relationship with God has grown exponentially in seeing what I learned during my time in UCLA in action (stuff I learned about ministry, from PC, about house churches, about intimacy with God, about worship)

Financially:
-4 years in Guanghua = 1 year at UCLA. crazy but true, including 4 years of tuition and housing; 26000rmb(tuition)+3600rmb(rent) for 4 years is about $17411 which is about $60 less than what parents have paid (on average) my first 2 years at ucla
-also because the money is spread out to be paid in 4 years instead 1, interest can be accumulated (in CD's maybe?) for like another ~$600? (need to check my math on this)
-dad had me save $5000 to help pay for college, this will cover food and all other misc. fees for 4 years more than enough
-when i applied for a job tutoring english, they offered me 130rmb/hr which is about $20/hr; tutoring english on weekends and some on weekdays for 8 hours is about 1000 rmb, easily covering 3 months rent


Conclusion: This is really an option that I'm considering, I haven't made any conclusions yet, and I will be praying and fasting for this throughout December. I definitely value any insight you have and I really want to mom and dad to bless this decision, maybe even to the point where if they don't bless it, then I won't do it (thoughts?). I realize that this is... slightly crazy and risky and weird and all that, but prayerfully going through this.

I also know that if this is wha tGod wants, everything my friends said, is basically null. God will open the doors and establish the contacts needed (like the deloitte partner that i "happened" to meet) and He alone is in charge of my future. he has been faithful and will continue to do so. he will provide a job for me, and where he sends me, i will go. soo maybe this is where he's sending me? i guess that's what i'm trying to figure out. i also know that mom/dad is the biggest hurdle and that if God does change their hearts, then i will take that as my confirmation.

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11/22/08
What God has done since:
So, I talked to another of my UCLA friends and he reminded me that I had originally planned to graduate earlier. I totally had forgotten about this option and so I did some planning and if all goes well, I can graduate this summer by taking Session A and C and then come back to China with a UCLA degree. Praise God that i can get the cake and eat it too :)

Also, I talked to a few friends who had already got into Guanghua and they were telling me about the entrance exams which are one of the craziest thing a Chinese students go through. The test is on Chinese history, overview of China, math, and chinese language (all these in chinese) and English. I was freaking out and really really rethinking this whole thing becuase i hate history and there's no way i can memorize 2000 yrs of Chinese history in Chinese too. Anyway, what ended up happening is that i found out that they JUST changed it this year where they removed both the chinese overview and the chinese history section out of the test!!! praise GOD!!!!!!

So God's totally opening doors and paving the way for this right now it seems, i'm no longer stressing about the test at all and just focusing on what i'm doing right now. granted, there's still a lot of obstacles even with these things straightened out; there are many probably issues that may come up: ALL my units from China have to transfer, and the clases that i need to be offered HVAE to be offered either session A or C otherwise i can't graduate. and, without my parents blessings this is still a no-go. so yah, that's where i am.

-------

phew. anyway that's like half of it. basically the other half is, parents totally backed the idea, i had tons of great tutors through connections of friends of friends [God or odd], studied my butt off (no really, i ACTUALLY studied) for about 2 months, took the test which was freaking hard, and didn't get in.

haha sorry for the anticlimatical ending, but no i didn't get in and no i do not regret a single minute of studying nor do i wish i could have done it all over again. for whatever reason, God has me where I am now. throughout the process, i saw so much of God's faithfulness in providing me rest when I needed it, tutors when i needed it, and most important of all, a peace knowing that whatever the outcome, my life would continue to be in His hands.

so what now? I have no idea :) I can barely see 3 months ahead of me but I have full confidence that it will only be another interesting and wonderful adventure with my Daddy as i keep learning about more of who He is and His amazing love.

anyway, definitely props to you if you read the whole thing, definitely let me know if you want to hear more about this or other things :D sometime later I'll probably post pictures of what i've been up to since (probably around finals, knowing me). i also apologize for whatever atrocious grammar errors i have made, my english is definitely not as good as it used to be ^^

below is a picture of my roommate and one of my biggest cheerleaders throughout this whole thing :D and some of the eap-ers who took me out to italian food after the test to celebrate :D


love you jody, michelle, junia and adi~

random comparison

so i was talking to a friend today about appearing too "christian"/ religious to other people and afterwards i was talking to God about it and questions came up:

The message is offensive, but does the messenger have to be?

Just like with some homosexual people (weird comparison), everyone KNOWS i'm a freak, a weirdo, a Jesus-freak who believes in an almighty unseen God, but does that mean I should flaunt it? It's part of who I am. but then does loving people include shoving this part of yourself into other people's faces? or does it mean that "tolerance" and "acceptance of differences" is so prevalent in today's society that you just hold yourself back, so you don't offend anyone?

or is this like one of those things that God's still teaching me, that it's different with each situation and i can't have an overall equation to apply to each of this situations in life?

dangit. this relationship thing is hard. this listening thing is hard. this communication thing is hard. SHOOTS :( relationships are difficult. even a relationship with a perfect Being.

Questions

When?

not now later i don't know soon maybe next week be patient stop asking i'll do it perhaps when i'm ready on my terms sometime is it urgent do i have to do it why can't you ask someone else i'm busy yesterday today and tomorrow probably the day after that too so maybe just

never

That's okay, I'll be waiting. I've been waiting.

Why?

i love this guy

he has the most interesting posts

things the bible says:
They love to sit at the head table of church dinners, basking in the most prominent positions, preening in the radiance of public flattery, receiving honorary degrees and getting called 'Doctor' and 'Reverend.'

Whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave.

If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from God is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both.

http://branthansen.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341cae3d53ef01116885969f970c-320wi hmmm interesting...

Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games: Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings— meetings, meetings, meetings—I can't stand one more!

Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out!I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning.

When you put on your next prayer-performance, I'll be looking the other way. No matter how long or loud or often you pray, I'll not be listening. And do you know why? Because you've been tearing people to pieces, and your hands are bloody. Go home and wash up.

Clean up your act. Sweep your lives clean of your evildoings so I don't have to look at them any longer.
Say no to wrong. Learn to do good. Work for justice.
Help the down-and-out. Stand up for the homeless. Go to bat for the defenseless.

Let me be content with sufficient food, sufficient clothing & a modest home. Keep me from a deliberate determination to be rich.

amazing grace

You saw me broken
You saw me battered
You saw me filthy
You saw me shattered
You saw me wicked
You saw me lying
You saw me failing
You saw me trying
You saw me angry
You saw me jealous
You saw me prideful
You saw me selfish
You saw me wandering
You saw me lustful
You saw me striving
Worshiping idols

You said I want her, I love her, she’s the one for me
I choose her, I know her, my blood has made her clean
She is my true love, bring her to me.

~from eileen's blog

DANGIT.

why did i install twitter NOW. -_-' no fb => twitter replacement => another test of self control. dangit.

way to prove me wrong.

you ever see someone and then totally misjudge them, think supermean thoughts "to" them, and then find out that you were COMPLETELY wrong about them and if anything they were totally on your side?

yah, just happened. dang -_-'

way to prove me wrong God. AGAIN. :p

sooo i don't have fb anymore, i finally did the smart thing and gave my lovely trustworthy friend name ishita, who I KNOW won't screw with my fb :), my password which means there's no way i can sneak onto it and waste 3+ hours when i should be studying (happened on saturday!) instead... i'm gonna blog i guess cuase there's only so many things you can blog about till you feel stupid that you're blogging multiple times a day...

ANYWAY, need to give the brain a rest before it finally erupts and scatters chinese vocab and pinyin and grammar all over the place. so i'm going to type about whatever comes to mind and right now it's about the things i've learned about myself throughout this studying process here:

1. the worst place for me to study is in a library. there are WAY too many ways to procrastinate there such as reading the books around me, which usually takes a good 4-5 hours and then the day is over -_-'
2. 2nd worst place to study is my place. mostly b/c i'm usually studying on the bed and it's SOO comfortable but then i get MAJOR butt soreness for sitting here for longer than 2 hours -_-' i can see how ppl get bed sores on hospital beds.
3. 3rd worst place to study is in my "living room"/ common area, whateveryou call it, mostly b/c i either get into wonderfully distracting conversations with my roommate about bois, school, and life in general, OR i eat. which is the reason why i now have a double chin *TEAR* which is also why my first to-do list when this test is over is EXERCISE.
4. any place with internet is bad. that's too obvious. case in point... now. even w/o fb, there are still wonderfully random distracting things on the world wide web such as youku (source for unlimited free videos), wikipedia (for learning lots of useless crap), cnn (yah you can spend a good hour reading random news articles), stupid sites like fml -_-' [thanks jeffung], and EVEN chinese sites when i'm feeling SUPER adventurous.
5. the best place i've found, is a classroom, where there are uncomfortable chairs, other people being nerdy with you, and where you can basically lose track of time if you never look at the clock. in china, b/c there's SOOO many frickin ppl on this campus and the local chinese students' dorm is half the size of the ones at ucla, everyone studies at the library or classrooms.

so yes. in the words of michelle, time to get the n3rd on!

p.s. i really miss california and everyone there. today was the first reallllly nice day of sprinig, aka actual blue skies and MAN i missed janns' steps :(

not again.

no devil, you have no right to touch any of the HOly One's children.

you WILL lose this war. she is the Lord's and the Lord desires her and LOVES her. she is his.

for you Seung :)
I don’t want to be like a Pharisee that has lots of knowledge but no daily encounter with Christ, nor do I want to be like the early church that had lots of daily encounters but no written Word of God to authenticate those encounters. The truth is that the letter kills but the Spirit gives life, so it is my desire is to walk in the truth of God’s Word while I experience daily encounters with the Holy Spirit. I do not want to teach someone what they should believe. I want everyone to believe what the Holy Spirit teaches them.
~taken from samuel's blog ^^